Lean in to awkward conversations
When a new study surfaced a few weeks ago revealing that, of all the major social media networks, Instagram was the most detrimental to young people's mental health, it made alarmist news headlines around the world.
Posted on January 4, 2018​
But for Sydney-based online safety expert Leonie Smith, it was business as usual.
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"I've seen more porn, more drug paraphernalia, more violence, more sick behaviour on Instagram than any other app," Ms Smith said of the platform, which the Royal Society for Public Health reportfound was more likely to leave users feeling anxious, depressed and lonely than Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter or YouTube.
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They are the sort of red flags that make any parent's face fall. Or they would, if we had any idea they existed.
"If I had a dollar for every parent who said, 'I had no idea Instagram had porn...' said Ms Smith.
But Instagram is not the only social media platform that Australian parents are letting their children explore without being aware of the pitfalls.
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In the last few months alone, Facebook, Skype and Snapchat have all been implicated in Australian cases of child sex offences and exploitation.
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And these come on the back of countless other cases showing how social media is also connected with a rise in the vilification of women, bullying, and a growing number of children presenting at psychologist's offices with social media-related anxiety.
The problem? Parents are too overwhelmed by how much social media their children use—on platforms they do not understand—to help them safely navigate them.
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"That's like a full-time job," said one dad I know, about the prospect of having to regularly monitor his 10-year-old son's social media activity.
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Echoing the feelings of many other parents I interviewed, he added: "I mean, it sounds great, but..." He shook his head.
The good news, however, is that there are numerous tips and tools that parents can access easily to help keep their children and teens safe, and themselves sane.
Lean in to awkward conversations
Ms Smith knows first-hand what can happen when parents are uncomfortable with—or do not realise they should be—speaking to their children about how to protect themselves on social media.
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Police she works with have told her one of the biggest problems they see is young children sending explicit photos to predators.
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"No one's ever told them that that's a possibility," Ms Smith said. "They just think, 'It's too young'."
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As one mother of three children said to me the other day, with wide eyes: "You have to talk to kids about it before they've even had their first kiss."
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And parents of teenagers are not off the hook either.
"I had one mother contact me because her 16-year-old said he had a porn addiction, and she didn't know what to do about it," said Ms Smith. "She let it go. Six months later, he said, 'I need your help, I need to be blocked'."
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And, added online safety expert Susan McLean, children of all ages need to know that they will never get in trouble if they have received a nude photo, or accidentally become entangled in other troublesome social media behaviour.
During a recent online safety talk she gave, Ms McLean asked a group of teens what they would do if they received explicit images.
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"These kids said, 'Oh, I would screen shot them for evidence, and go and tell an adult'. I said, 'Really? You would do that?' They said, 'Nah, I wouldn't.'
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"I said 'Why wouldn't you?' [One boy] said, 'Because I would fear getting into trouble', which is the irrational fear that kids have."
Practical tips:
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Tell children, from Year 3 onwards, that if anyone asks them uncomfortable questions, or requests a photo of them, they must tell a parent or an adult they trust
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Let your kids and teens know they can tell you anything about what they've seen or done on social media and it won't embarrass you
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Coach your kids and teens to only "friend" people on social media who they know, not who they "know of"
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Tell your child to be suspicious if a friend suddenly has a second profile on a social media app. (Paedophiles frequently create fake profiles to "friend" your child)
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Do not post photos with identifying details of your kids (like the name of their school or sporting association). Such information helps predators pretend to know your child